Huh, what do ya know the blog is still here

Except for the fact that it looks oddly like that abandoned cobweb covered corner of the internet. Ya know, no big deal. So here I am 3 months later from the last time I wrote anything. Apparently, my sanity took a hiatus for a while, and left a tornado path of my life all over the place. DJ is now 5 going on 16 and OMG I may just kill this kid if the attitude and subsequent tantrums don’t stop soon.
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Matt is cute and adorable and such a hold me baby, that well, minor house chores are now major accomplishments if I get them done.
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Today and yesterday have been whirl winds as I get back on task wih the houee so my newest parenting adventure doesn’t “add to the back log of work that isnt getting done already” as hubby put it. What’s this new adventure you may ask? New craftiness or buckets of fun? I wish I was cool enough to have something that awesome to share.

Folks, we’ve hit that point where saving money on diapers sounds like a grand plan. Currently between baby food and diapers we are spending between 50 and 60 bucks every 2 weeks on diapers and food. And by we, I mean we just myself for now until Matt is potty trained or I convince hubby cloth isn’t so bad… So I turned to the good ole Internet. Starting my search at ThebabyguyNYC, I found he does not do any sort of reviews or gear guides to cloth diapers. But he recommended this wonderful blog here. Let me tell you, this woman has the most thorough cloth diaper barney style you could ever really appreciate. She tells you the difference in the diapers now a days, the costs, and then if your head isn’t swimming enough, she reviews cloth diapers in video form, currently hosting over 100 video cloth diaper reviews. After extensive review of the forementioned videos, I decided on a few things. A) I wanted All in ones or all in twos (most like disposables in their fits and ease of use) and B) that I wanted to test drive one of these babies. The research lead me to a kinda local cloth diaper boutique calledLittle Padded Seats in West Des Moines.

The kids and I made the journey, meeting my aunt in law up there. Let me tell you, granolaville, this was like the capital of crunchy good earthy momma store if I’ve ever seen. We apparently missed the memo of a huge baby shower esk thing at the fairgrounds, but the 2 remaining employees were extra pushy helpful for their products. Although on a side note, going to crunchy granola store has its perks, hey had a nice enclosed kids play area, and one employee literally was babywearing her 2 month old while helping us. Hey, I’m all for trying to get your commission, but let a woman take it all in before you try to push her either into a huge dollar amount purchase or towards something she doesn’t want. As if summoned by my thoughts of “whoa whoa whoa let me just look before I commit to anything” DJ had to go potty, who knew I’d ever see value in my kids bowel movements! I finally picked this one,
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and liked it so much I bought a whole slew of them on Ebay. Despite the sales lady’s pitch of buying all new diapers, $20 a pop is just ridiculous for stuff my kids intentionally gonna poop on.

Did you know there’s literally a plethora of accessories you can buy to make your cloth diapering more successful? Like sprayers to help clean diapers at the toilet? Or better yet, an actual container thing to keep your poop spraying contained and aimed correctly into the toilet? Should you decide to do the original origami fashion of diapers, you don’t hafta worry about stabbing your child with a safety pin. It’s crazy, how much stuff they have now for this. It is definitely not our parents cloth diaper scene. Wish us luck, we will post more on this later!

That awkward mommy looks like an alcoholic moment

Oh look, yet another month has gone by without me rambling into the blog. Dangit blog, you were suppposed to write yourself and I was suppposed to be drinking wine and gracefully raising not killing children. So in the month’s past, I have managed to finally get the main floor of the house clean, mostly because we hosted my second somewhat flopped Pampered Chef Party. I can’t help it, the idea of somebody cooking for me keeps luring me in. Especially when so far I had a show with 4 attendees and yesterday’s record of 1. Guess what that means? This chick gets awesome leftover I didn’t hafta slaveover myself in the first place.

But the somebody else cooks era of my love affair with Pampered Chef is about to come to a fully committed relationship. That’s right, I’ve been swindled into selling cookware. I guess in a round a bout way it could be worse. I could be selling Tupperware, in which nobody really knows if when you ask about a tupperware party if their talking storage containers for the kitchen, or the type of tuppperware thaat comes with batteries that you hope and pray the kids never find.  For the 2 readers who didn’t know this about me, I’ve done the consultant ropes before, with Mary Kay. Seems I keep coming back to these sort of things throughout my life, must be alll the sparkly pretty incentive stuff they pitch at me.

So on to that awkward moment. In true veteran fashion, any story worth telling starts with something to the effect of “So there I was.” And the military/ family members who just read that, also completed it in their head with something very derogatory and or just plain gross. IF you didn’t go there in your head A) what are you doing here again? And B) go ahead fill in the blank “so there I was” with the worst thing you can think of, trust me it’s fun!

So there I was, bottle of trapped moscato looking for a way out and not finding the $$^%#%#%@*(&^%^**%^$ cork screw. I looked in all three places in the misc drawer I usually keep it in, looked in the baby bottle drawer, under the misc drawer in the cabinet, all the while loosing my ever loving mind. Don’t you fools see this poor wine is trapped in a bottle and I need to free it now!! And then as I am cursing and looking around,  the 4 year old captor here asks me what I’m looking for. “The twisty thingy to open mommy’s wine bottles.” 4Year old pauses a minute, both of us looking in the misc drawer, when he reaches in calmly and hands me the wine opener. Good kid! I have trained you well! Hopefully your future wife someday realizes this brainwashing was for her, really!

What did I do all day? Seriously, you want to ask that….

Disclaimer: Sometimes husbands need to know that this question when asked in the wrong tone or at the wrong time can lead to much deserved spousal abuse.

That being said, here are some acceptable answers I have heard or given:
Kept the kids alive.
Showered and brushed my hair, and kept the house from burning to the ground.
Fed the kids and kept them from frollicking through the neighborhood naked.
Don’t start… pass the wine.
Why don’t you ask the kids what I did all day, I’m sure their version will make my version seem saintly.

A nursing momma’s schedule for the day
Unlike a normal schedule, a nursing Momma of a newborn will calmly tell  you the day does not simply start when one should be out of bed like 6AM, but instead starts the first time after midnight that baby wants to be fed.
12:30ish AM. IF you have been lucky enough to fall asleep between the 10:00PM feeding and now A) Congrats on the extra hour of sleep and B)it’s time to wake up and feed the baby. Take baby to changing table. Coo bleary eyed at new baby while changing diaper. Stub toe on Diaper genie then again on 4yr olds left out Buzz Lightyear action figure on way to couch or back to bed to feed there. Fall asleep while baby is nursing. Forget to set timer before falling asleep. Wake up to baby spitting up all over you and your side of bed. Go back to changing table to change diaper and clothes. Avoid diaper Genie, but step on Buzz Lightyear in a manner that sets off his booming voice saying “To Infinity and Beyond, complete with adventourous music”. Curse Pixar. Kick Buzz over to pile of toys more out of the way. Attempt to clean spitup off bed.Throw towel over remaining spit up wet spot, vow to wash sheets in the morning. Double check baby is sleeping in pack and play next to bed. Fall asleep with one arm draped into pack and play checking on baby.

3:15AM. Baby starts to fuss. Let baby play with knuckles etc for 10-15 minutes if your lucky. Baby is insistant. Time to eat again mommy! Take baby to changing table, change diaper while baby tries to bring your hand to his mouth to suckle on. Refill water cup for this feeding.Decide to feed baby  on couch  this time. Trip over small scale tonka truck. Nearly faceplant into coffee table while trying to keep from landing on baby. Curse all toys in home currently. Successfully feed baby without getting spit up on. Put baby back into swaddling sack and into Pack and  play. Make sure baby is nearly asleep while mommy escapes to bathroom and to refill water cup so its ready for 6AM feeding. Baby fusses, then falls asleep death griping mommy’s finger. Mentally revisit page found on Pinterest about warm rice in a glove found
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6:45AM Baby has granted almost 40 extra minutes to sleep schedule. Attach now fussing baby to first side of feeding. Prepare coffee one handed. Silently thank God movers lost old coffee pot granting space for a Keurig, that can be operated one handed.Take first sip of coffee, place cup somewhere unobtrusive, burp baby. Wipe spitup off shoulder. Remember that bed sheets need washed. Attach baby to second side of feeding. Strip bed one handed. Carry balled up sheets down to washer in basement. Burp baby. Move wet clothes to dryer. Load sheets into washer. Go back upstairs and try to find coffee. Give up on coffee in the meantime. Change Baby’s diaper. Send hubby to wake up 4year old before leaving for work. Dress / encourage 4 year old to get dressed/ go to the bathroom. Get 4yr started on eating breakfast while watching Magic School Bus on Netflix.

8:10AM Baby’s hungry. Refill water cup enroute to changing table. Change diaper. Zone out fantasizing about missing cup of coffee. Get peed on. Realize that coffee is sitting on baby’s wall locker of clothes, and wasn’t a figment of the imagination. Move to couch, feed baby. Burp baby. Let big brother give his now usual hugs and kisses to the baby. Encourage 4 year old to go potty. Hold baby nearly upright to avoid spit up, while simultaneously reading a library book to 4 year old. Change over to Brain Quest cards after 3rd time through the same library book.

9:45AM, Attempt to fold laundry while 4yr old plays with newly acquired sticker book and baby is sleeping in swing. Manage to get 2 towels and some baby clothes folded before baby wakes up wanting to be fed. Have 4 year old refill water cup while nursing. Finish feeding, clean up sloshed water from kitchen floor. Start a movie for 4 year old while cooing baby to sleep. Run to bathroom, only for 4 year old to follow stating he needs to poop. Turn the baby monitor on and wait an eternity for the 4 year old to finish his business. Charge the shower, knowing we only have 30 minutes til baby is due for another feeding. Get hair shampooed, only to hear baby stirring and 4 year old on monitor. Rush out of shower naked only to find baby has fallen back to sleep and big brother has returned to watching his movie. Finish shower just as baby starts crying for the noonish feeding.

12:05PM Change diaper, start to feed baby one handed while preparing 4 year olds pb and j sandwich. Narrowly miss sandwich with baby spitup. Instead, get baby spit up in hair and down shirt. Curse under breath while handing DJ his lunch. Use baby wipe to clean spit up off mommy. Sit down, finish feeding baby. Burp baby while praying for no more spit up fashion accessories. Fix lunch for mommy, eat while baby curls up on lap. Start to doze, until 4 year old yells something incoherent.

1:55PM Change diaper for baby, and set up 4 year old with snack. Find and refill water cup. Locate super small tube of now much beloved lanolin for cracked nipples. Sit with intent to start feeding baby, just in time for 4 year old to need a drink of some sort. Latch baby on, get chocolate milk for 4 year old to go with snack. Settle in for the remainder of feeding.

4:00PM Remember that sheets need to go into dryer as baby starts to fuss for the next feeding. Run down to basement, switch sheets over to dryer. Forget baby feed timer downstairs. Fill water cup while holding baby. Run back downstairs for gadget while carrying baby. Get to couch, start feeding baby. Baby spit up dribbles down side of shirt. Wipe down baby’s face and wait a few minutes for baby’s stomach to settle, thusly pissing baby off that he is in momma’s lap and not eating! Think vaguely of what should be eaten for supper. Feed baby. Chase 4 year old to bathroom so he’ll make it on time without an accident.

5:45PM pull meat substence from freezer and begin to thaw in microwave. Glance in mirror and realize mommy looks like a hot mess. Attempt to clean spit up out of hair using baby wipes. Think about revisiting the whole dry shampoo idea. Ignore rest of hot messness and pick up mumbling baby for next feeding. Refill water cup. Feed baby, while 4 year old discusses taking baby brother back. Try to explain there is a no refunds no returns policy on babies once they are out of mommy’s belly. Forget to watch timer, baby spits up in hair again. Burp baby, make supper.

7:30pm Finish fixing supper plates for family, baby starting to fuss. Pick up baby, try to sooth while shoveling food in mouth. Laugh with husband as baby opens mouth wide in time with shoveling of food as though baby was trying to eat mommy’s food. Tell 4 year old who’s decided he no longer likes spaghetti that its either spaghetti or bed. Husband takes over 4 year old to finish eating/ get a bath. Refill water cup, settle in on couch to feed baby.

9:10pm Insist that 4 year old pick up toys before going to bed after reading 2 bedtime stories. Take 4 year old upstairs to room. Decide to start next load of wash since the bed sheets need to be brought upstairs anyway. Dash down stairs to basement with jeans while baby sleeps in swing. Pretreat all grass and oil stains on jeans for both Hubby and 4 year old. Feed dog in time for husband to say he already had. Bring sheets up from dryer, remake bed. Hear baby start to fuss. Pick up baby, change diaper and into pajamas or suitable onsie to go under the SwaddleMe. Pictured here
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Say a thanks for the small things prayer like inventing sleep bags for babies that dont require 2 semesters of origami to put baby to sleep. Feed baby, put to sleep in pack and play. Try to get a load of clean clothes folded and off the couch.

11:30PM Hubby wakes you up because you fell asleep matching socks. Climb wearily into bed, knowing it all starts again in less then an hour.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall…

It’s taken me 3 ish days to finally get my head straight to write this up. Saturday was much like any other Saturday, hubby had gone out to the farm and DJ and I were slowly making our rounds to get laundry done and hanging out at the house. I had finally gotten myself in the shower, when I started to feel a little light headed and decided I would get back out and sit down with DJ for a bit til my head cleared. I remember turning off the water and attempting to open to shower curtain to step out. I do not remember the falling portion itself, but remember hearing my phone clatter to the floor with me off the counter. I came to staring at my son’s step stool for the bathroom, and seeing my phone on the floor. My head was wet and pounding, my whole right side was on the floor, my ribs protesting the most. I reached over to the phone and called my husband. In his own words, it sounded like a crying drunk dial, with one in particular statement sticking out to him. (Me to him) ” I think… I think I fell getting out of the tub.” Without missing a beat, his uncanny response “well, are you on the floor? Then you probably fell.” He came home as soon as he could get out of the no man’s land field he was working out on the farm. In the meantime I tried unsuccessfully to pull myself up to a sitting position, my right side not cooperating in the least. Somewhere in the midst of the chaos in the bathroom, in should walk my 4 year old, grabbing his butt and stating that he needed to poop. Most less adjusted to weirdness type of kids may have seen Mommy on the floor hurt and sat down and cried with Mommy. Not my stoic little man. He was kind enough to hand me a towel, then proceeed onto asking me about falling out of the tub, immediately followed by moving his stool out of the entryway of the bathroom, stepping over mommy, and going potty. The action in his way, caused him to have a small accident, but he was so worried about mommy cleaning his underwear so he strippped them off, tried to give me the underwear, and got himself all wiped up. I told him to go find fresh underwear, thanks to the lack of laundry that had been folded thus far, he had an abundance of selection on the couch. And as if I could cue it up for a friday night sitcom, in comes Husband, immediately followed by my mother in law. As most Army stories go, so there I was sprawled on the bathroom floor  covered in a towel, while my 4 year was running around the living room half naked. Hubby, got me helped up to a sitting position, while mother in law first got the 4 year old corraled and into some clothes. Then as Aaron is walking betweene the living room and bathroom, I hear him tell his mom she doesnt need to fold the laundry. I may be feeling like total crap, but that is suddenly my cue to immmediately yell from the bathroom “oh no, please dont fold the laundry”, as if having someone helping to fold laudry was really the worst thing that was happening at the moment. Mother in law, offers to take DJ out to her house while Aaron takes me to the hospital. And off we went. In th elast month or so, we had an incident where my regular OB was not available , but had been given the run around to the tune of 4 hours on the phone with the VA hospital that my Primary Dr is stationed at as to where to go for such occasions. After that mess, we decided we would just go straight to the VA an hourish drive away just so there would be no questions as to what they wanted me to do this time around.

We get to the VA ER dept, and the DR asssigned to me, literally looked as though I had some sort of anthrax growing out of my head when I explained why we decided to go straight to the VA ER this time around. “But.. your well, uhm, pregnant, and so there’s 2 patients to worry about and most hospitals would just send you to the OB floor after 24 ish weeks. We Don’t have anything to check the baby with.” No kidding, but we weren’t trying to get another black mark on our VA records, because of the last issue we had, husband’s former E6 that had already been given first look at E7 self reappeared during the phonecall craziness and chewed some ass, as they are known to do in the 82nd ABN, and had given us a mark that my case worker felt necessary to tell me later “we do not appreciate getting yelled at, regardless of the situation, some things are out of our control on the phone, and it does not help your case to be disgruntled with us”. So we were transfered via the VA over to the big Catholic University hospital there in Omaha, NE. We were treated quite awesomely by the staff there, but did hafta stay overnight for observation, along with getting a few things scanned and xrayed just to be sure everything was going to be ok. Baby continued on moving like a champ, and finally was still enough for the OB docs to get a long enough read out to send us home.

So the long and the short, we had a fall, but everyone is okay, and we found out that my kid clearly does not suprise easily to mommy being hurt. Apparently it must either be a more regular occurance then I thought orr this kid really just figured Mommy was laying on the bathroom floor playing like he does when he is tired.

Things I never thought I would say….

So this will be an ongoing funny haha of different things I have either found myself saying to my son or husband, in the realms of parethood and pregnancy. 

“I think I just puked so hard that I peed myself.” (The back story on this should be titled, who said morning sickness only happened in the morning or usually lasted just through the first trimester was LYING!)

“Socks only cry when your feet stink”

“OW! We don’t shoot screwdrivers across the living room with our bows!”

“We don’t try to feed our toys to the dog, ok?”

“Gardening tools do not belong on the couch. Regardless of whether they are plastic or not.”

“Legos are not extra nose picking devices”

“I think I can document a case of pregnancy induced narcolepsy…. if I could just stay awake long enough to do the documenting!”

“A thunderstorm is not the best time to go ride your mower, DJ.”

“I am not responsible for what happens to you if do not stop throwing hotwheels down the stairs”

(While on the phone long distance with a friend) “Hold on, I hear something motorized….. it’s either his toothbrush or one of the trains. Nope not the toothbrush this time.”

“Grab your (toys) balls from behind the couch, and then go potty, now!”

“My boobs are leaking, this kid won’t get off my hips, and now the doc won’t let me ride horses til this kid is done baking. ”

“Baby brother doesn’t need your hot wheels cars in his swing.”

From DJ to me: “You dont sleep in my bed. You sleep downstairs. You belong to Daddy!”

“You’ve eaten 5 cheese sticks already today, how ’bout some fruit to even out your poops.”

“We do not shove the chew toys into baby brother’s mouth.”

“This poor kid can’t decide if he feels yucky, if his teeth hurt or if he wants to eat. Hence the screaming almost attached to my boob baby.”

“Pampered Chef, So easy my four year old could do it.”

When it rains, it pours, and comes and threes and fours!

So there I was, standing in the kitchen next to the Keurig waiting on my cup of coffee, having skipped a shower because the flickering power had told my water heater to keep turning off and back on, thanks to the great snow of MAY 2nd. The flickering power was no match for this woman getting her coffee, especially if I was going to have to forgo a shower. My cup finished, the Keurig started flashing the “prime” error code on the menu and “CRACK!” Turning into all my efficientness of not killing my prized coffee maker or anything else slightly vital to the house I started whirring around the house shutting things off, while ensuring tht my 4 year old “DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING!!!!” Once the coffee maker, the TV and all other high dollar items were turned off, the paranoid mom in me started looking out windows to see what sort of expensive now broken thing had just horribly crashed into the house or our garage causing such flickering electricity. I finally look out the front porch to see this
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So I call the husband, who literally has just left the house for the farm maybe 5 minutes prior. The Conversation is as follows
Me: So, um, the Weeping Willow tree out front just broke in half and fell on our power line to the house. 
Hubby: Oh, crap.
Me: Yeah, so should I come get a chainsaw or something to cut away the branches from the line or???
Hubby (clearly the more functioning brains this morning) Call the power company. DO NOT GO TRY TO CUT IT YOURSELF. Some of those branches may be hot and you could get shocked.
Me: Oh, yeah, good point.
Hubby: They’ll come out and get the tree cut the line restrung or whatever. I am sorta stuck on the side of the road.
Me: HUH?!
Hubby: Yeah, I think the fuel pump on the dearly reliable purple farm truck is going out on the front tank.
Me: So, do yoou want me to call the power company, and then come get you or???
Hubby: Call the power company. I may have you bring out the extra gas can from the garage after that, so I can put gas in the back tank to limp it either home or to the Farm.

So we get the power company called, and I take DJ to the local Daycare lady so we’re not trying to fix electrical problems with a 4 year old trying to help. By this point, hubby has limped the truck back on its own accord. Upon inspection of the side of the house where the power line was connected, it is realized that our neutral ground cable has completely snapped, leaving 2 hot wires leading into the house and no way for the returning power to feed off the house. Not exactly ideal. But wait, there’s more canundrum to it, the damage goes beyond the joint where the electric company is essentially not responsible for.

See picture below
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So we call out the electrician as well, and he gets things repaired so we don’t have bad juju on the side of the house or flowing in or out of the house in a manner that might be very shocking for anybody walking by.  So to end the hellacious day all crammed into this morning, here’s a picture of the freshly cut tulips next to the window looking at the snow outside.

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Also definitely makes you think this bit for this morning

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