What did I do all day? Seriously, you want to ask that….

Disclaimer: Sometimes husbands need to know that this question when asked in the wrong tone or at the wrong time can lead to much deserved spousal abuse.

That being said, here are some acceptable answers I have heard or given:
Kept the kids alive.
Showered and brushed my hair, and kept the house from burning to the ground.
Fed the kids and kept them from frollicking through the neighborhood naked.
Don’t start… pass the wine.
Why don’t you ask the kids what I did all day, I’m sure their version will make my version seem saintly.

A nursing momma’s schedule for the day
Unlike a normal schedule, a nursing Momma of a newborn will calmly tell  you the day does not simply start when one should be out of bed like 6AM, but instead starts the first time after midnight that baby wants to be fed.
12:30ish AM. IF you have been lucky enough to fall asleep between the 10:00PM feeding and now A) Congrats on the extra hour of sleep and B)it’s time to wake up and feed the baby. Take baby to changing table. Coo bleary eyed at new baby while changing diaper. Stub toe on Diaper genie then again on 4yr olds left out Buzz Lightyear action figure on way to couch or back to bed to feed there. Fall asleep while baby is nursing. Forget to set timer before falling asleep. Wake up to baby spitting up all over you and your side of bed. Go back to changing table to change diaper and clothes. Avoid diaper Genie, but step on Buzz Lightyear in a manner that sets off his booming voice saying “To Infinity and Beyond, complete with adventourous music”. Curse Pixar. Kick Buzz over to pile of toys more out of the way. Attempt to clean spitup off bed.Throw towel over remaining spit up wet spot, vow to wash sheets in the morning. Double check baby is sleeping in pack and play next to bed. Fall asleep with one arm draped into pack and play checking on baby.

3:15AM. Baby starts to fuss. Let baby play with knuckles etc for 10-15 minutes if your lucky. Baby is insistant. Time to eat again mommy! Take baby to changing table, change diaper while baby tries to bring your hand to his mouth to suckle on. Refill water cup for this feeding.Decide to feed baby  on couch  this time. Trip over small scale tonka truck. Nearly faceplant into coffee table while trying to keep from landing on baby. Curse all toys in home currently. Successfully feed baby without getting spit up on. Put baby back into swaddling sack and into Pack and  play. Make sure baby is nearly asleep while mommy escapes to bathroom and to refill water cup so its ready for 6AM feeding. Baby fusses, then falls asleep death griping mommy’s finger. Mentally revisit page found on Pinterest about warm rice in a glove found
here.
6:45AM Baby has granted almost 40 extra minutes to sleep schedule. Attach now fussing baby to first side of feeding. Prepare coffee one handed. Silently thank God movers lost old coffee pot granting space for a Keurig, that can be operated one handed.Take first sip of coffee, place cup somewhere unobtrusive, burp baby. Wipe spitup off shoulder. Remember that bed sheets need washed. Attach baby to second side of feeding. Strip bed one handed. Carry balled up sheets down to washer in basement. Burp baby. Move wet clothes to dryer. Load sheets into washer. Go back upstairs and try to find coffee. Give up on coffee in the meantime. Change Baby’s diaper. Send hubby to wake up 4year old before leaving for work. Dress / encourage 4 year old to get dressed/ go to the bathroom. Get 4yr started on eating breakfast while watching Magic School Bus on Netflix.

8:10AM Baby’s hungry. Refill water cup enroute to changing table. Change diaper. Zone out fantasizing about missing cup of coffee. Get peed on. Realize that coffee is sitting on baby’s wall locker of clothes, and wasn’t a figment of the imagination. Move to couch, feed baby. Burp baby. Let big brother give his now usual hugs and kisses to the baby. Encourage 4 year old to go potty. Hold baby nearly upright to avoid spit up, while simultaneously reading a library book to 4 year old. Change over to Brain Quest cards after 3rd time through the same library book.

9:45AM, Attempt to fold laundry while 4yr old plays with newly acquired sticker book and baby is sleeping in swing. Manage to get 2 towels and some baby clothes folded before baby wakes up wanting to be fed. Have 4 year old refill water cup while nursing. Finish feeding, clean up sloshed water from kitchen floor. Start a movie for 4 year old while cooing baby to sleep. Run to bathroom, only for 4 year old to follow stating he needs to poop. Turn the baby monitor on and wait an eternity for the 4 year old to finish his business. Charge the shower, knowing we only have 30 minutes til baby is due for another feeding. Get hair shampooed, only to hear baby stirring and 4 year old on monitor. Rush out of shower naked only to find baby has fallen back to sleep and big brother has returned to watching his movie. Finish shower just as baby starts crying for the noonish feeding.

12:05PM Change diaper, start to feed baby one handed while preparing 4 year olds pb and j sandwich. Narrowly miss sandwich with baby spitup. Instead, get baby spit up in hair and down shirt. Curse under breath while handing DJ his lunch. Use baby wipe to clean spit up off mommy. Sit down, finish feeding baby. Burp baby while praying for no more spit up fashion accessories. Fix lunch for mommy, eat while baby curls up on lap. Start to doze, until 4 year old yells something incoherent.

1:55PM Change diaper for baby, and set up 4 year old with snack. Find and refill water cup. Locate super small tube of now much beloved lanolin for cracked nipples. Sit with intent to start feeding baby, just in time for 4 year old to need a drink of some sort. Latch baby on, get chocolate milk for 4 year old to go with snack. Settle in for the remainder of feeding.

4:00PM Remember that sheets need to go into dryer as baby starts to fuss for the next feeding. Run down to basement, switch sheets over to dryer. Forget baby feed timer downstairs. Fill water cup while holding baby. Run back downstairs for gadget while carrying baby. Get to couch, start feeding baby. Baby spit up dribbles down side of shirt. Wipe down baby’s face and wait a few minutes for baby’s stomach to settle, thusly pissing baby off that he is in momma’s lap and not eating! Think vaguely of what should be eaten for supper. Feed baby. Chase 4 year old to bathroom so he’ll make it on time without an accident.

5:45PM pull meat substence from freezer and begin to thaw in microwave. Glance in mirror and realize mommy looks like a hot mess. Attempt to clean spit up out of hair using baby wipes. Think about revisiting the whole dry shampoo idea. Ignore rest of hot messness and pick up mumbling baby for next feeding. Refill water cup. Feed baby, while 4 year old discusses taking baby brother back. Try to explain there is a no refunds no returns policy on babies once they are out of mommy’s belly. Forget to watch timer, baby spits up in hair again. Burp baby, make supper.

7:30pm Finish fixing supper plates for family, baby starting to fuss. Pick up baby, try to sooth while shoveling food in mouth. Laugh with husband as baby opens mouth wide in time with shoveling of food as though baby was trying to eat mommy’s food. Tell 4 year old who’s decided he no longer likes spaghetti that its either spaghetti or bed. Husband takes over 4 year old to finish eating/ get a bath. Refill water cup, settle in on couch to feed baby.

9:10pm Insist that 4 year old pick up toys before going to bed after reading 2 bedtime stories. Take 4 year old upstairs to room. Decide to start next load of wash since the bed sheets need to be brought upstairs anyway. Dash down stairs to basement with jeans while baby sleeps in swing. Pretreat all grass and oil stains on jeans for both Hubby and 4 year old. Feed dog in time for husband to say he already had. Bring sheets up from dryer, remake bed. Hear baby start to fuss. Pick up baby, change diaper and into pajamas or suitable onsie to go under the SwaddleMe. Pictured here
image

Say a thanks for the small things prayer like inventing sleep bags for babies that dont require 2 semesters of origami to put baby to sleep. Feed baby, put to sleep in pack and play. Try to get a load of clean clothes folded and off the couch.

11:30PM Hubby wakes you up because you fell asleep matching socks. Climb wearily into bed, knowing it all starts again in less then an hour.

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