Things I never thought I would say….

So this will be an ongoing funny haha of different things I have either found myself saying to my son or husband, in the realms of parethood and pregnancy. 

“I think I just puked so hard that I peed myself.” (The back story on this should be titled, who said morning sickness only happened in the morning or usually lasted just through the first trimester was LYING!)

“Socks only cry when your feet stink”

“OW! We don’t shoot screwdrivers across the living room with our bows!”

“We don’t try to feed our toys to the dog, ok?”

“Gardening tools do not belong on the couch. Regardless of whether they are plastic or not.”

“Legos are not extra nose picking devices”

“I think I can document a case of pregnancy induced narcolepsy…. if I could just stay awake long enough to do the documenting!”

“A thunderstorm is not the best time to go ride your mower, DJ.”

“I am not responsible for what happens to you if do not stop throwing hotwheels down the stairs”

(While on the phone long distance with a friend) “Hold on, I hear something motorized….. it’s either his toothbrush or one of the trains. Nope not the toothbrush this time.”

“Grab your (toys) balls from behind the couch, and then go potty, now!”

“My boobs are leaking, this kid won’t get off my hips, and now the doc won’t let me ride horses til this kid is done baking. ”

“Baby brother doesn’t need your hot wheels cars in his swing.”

From DJ to me: “You dont sleep in my bed. You sleep downstairs. You belong to Daddy!”

“You’ve eaten 5 cheese sticks already today, how ’bout some fruit to even out your poops.”

“We do not shove the chew toys into baby brother’s mouth.”

“This poor kid can’t decide if he feels yucky, if his teeth hurt or if he wants to eat. Hence the screaming almost attached to my boob baby.”

“Pampered Chef, So easy my four year old could do it.”

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